I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
