Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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