Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
