Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
