How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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