he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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