Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
