Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
