Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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