i think i have herpe
just one?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
