sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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