I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
