she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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