I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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