so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize