so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I love you.
Bad choice
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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