im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
