Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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