I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
someone owes me an orgasm
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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