Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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