I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
