We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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