I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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