everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
