benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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