What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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