There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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