i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
