mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize