My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
