In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
