he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
