Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
