yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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