Do you still have your period?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
