under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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