I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
