and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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