Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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