if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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