god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
