I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
