I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
