When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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