so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
