Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
