She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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