your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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