I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
