Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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