Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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