Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
