He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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