I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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