When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize