i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
