Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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