May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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