I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
