god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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