I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
