They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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