we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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