you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
