I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
