Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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