your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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