when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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