I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
there is puke in my bra ... again
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
