I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
