Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
