You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
