i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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